


Never let me go

by chezamanda



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Don't copy to another site, Double Barrel Hand Job, Hand Jobs, Huddling For Warmth, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Oral Sex, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sharing Body Heat, Top Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:02:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22019830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chezamanda/pseuds/chezamanda
Summary: A pesky little ship crash on a mountain brings Steve and Bucky back together in more ways than one.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 180
Collections: Marvel Trumps Hate 2019





	Never let me go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZepysGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZepysGirl/gifts).



> This was written for my Marvel Trumps Hate 2019 auction winner, ZepysGirl. Thank you so much for donating to a great cause! 
> 
> Thanks to eiluned and insidious-intent for their beta help.
> 
> I am just handwaving the shit out of canon because that's what fanfic writers do best. This is loosely set after The Winter Soldier and I'm ignoring everything else from there on out (as you do). All the Avengers live together in the Tower and everything is fine.

The quinjet was, for lack of a better term, fucked. Thanks to an unexpected blizzard and high winds, Steve had come in too close to the side of a small mountain, and damaged the right half of the ship. He managed to get them on the ground without dying, at least. Both he and Bucky climbed out of the back to inspect the damage.

“Got a lot of flying practice in while I was gone, Steve?” Bucky deadpanned.

“Shut up.”

A sharp pain shot through his arm when he moved it slightly, and he winced. Bucky’s gaze narrowed in on him. “Let me take a look at that.”

“Later, we need to make shelter first and see if we can get a message out.”

“Yeah, all right.”

  
* * *  


Fortunately for them, the emergency kits weren’t damaged in the crash, and they were able to take shelter inside the ship. There were some heat-trapping sleeping bags, MREs, extra water, and other necessities to keep them alive for a few days. Steve hoped the storm left as quickly as it blew in. He added a bit of water into the large MRE bag and placed the smaller packages inside of it. The chemicals inside of the bigger bag reacted with the water and started heating up their food.

“Beats heating up tin cans,” Bucky commented.

“Or eating them cold,” he said with a shudder.

“Gonna let me take a look at that shoulder now?”

Steve sighed. “It’s fine.” The second he tried moving it, the pain flared up again and he swore. 

“Yeah seems real fine to me,” Bucky said flatly. “C’mere.”

With that, Bucky manhandled him into place so he could inspect the damage. He unzipped the back of Steve’s suit and eased it off. His warm breath ghosted over Steve’s bare skin, causing Steve to shiver. There were a few quiet moments as Bucky examined him, and Steve wondered if he could hear the thudding of his pulse.

“You’ll live,” Bucky said.

“Your bedside manner is excellent, Buck.”

Once the food was hot enough, they ate and made smalltalk. With Bucky only recently back in the fold, Steve felt unsure about how to talk to him at times. Thankfully, an alarm interrupted them to let them know that the power levels were low. Bucky stood, walked over to the control panel, and flipped a few switches. The regular lights turned off, replaced by a set of low emergency lights that ran on a separate power bank. Silence fell around the two of them once more, making the howling winds outside seem eerie and ghostlike. They finished their meals and then both slid into their respective sleeping bags, muttering “good night” to each other.

  
* * *  


Steve was cold. Very cold. He woke to a violent trembling that seemed to come from the very core of him. If he had any memory of being pulled out of the ice, this had to be just like it. He couldn’t tell what time it was, but it was still very dark outside. His breath formed into puffs of fog in front of his face.

“Stevie?” he heard Bucky whisper.

Despite the freezing temperature around him, the softness in Bucky’s voice when he used that old nickname made something in Steve’s chest melt. He _missed_ Bucky. Even though they’d managed to bring him on board and deprogram the HYDRA training, things hadn’t quite returned to normal. Or, as normal as things could be, given their situation.

“I-I’m f-f-fine,” he chattered. “J-just cold.”

“Goddammit, Steve, c’mere.”

He watched as Bucky hastily unzipped his sleeping bag and then did the same to Steve’s bag. Bucky joined the two before climbing inside behind Steve. Already he could feel the heat from Bucky’s body beginning to seep into his, but he was still shivering uncontrollably. They curled up together with the hoods of the bags pulled down to trap their body heat inside. With his free arm, Bucky rubbed at Steve’s extremities, trying to get blood circulating again.

Back when they were young, Steve had spent some cold nights in a too-small bed with Bucky. This lasted up through their teens and into early adulthood. There weren’t many good options when a radiator went out in the middle of a Brooklyn winter. He remembered those couple of times when it happened after one or both of them had too much to drink. Steve actually felt the blush rise in his cheeks at the memory of one night where they’d found themselves a little tipsy and a little curious. More than a little curious, in fact. Decades later, and he still remembered what it was like to kiss Bucky.

They hadn’t talked about it afterward. Steve never forgot the excitement and fear that twisted in his gut. Or how much he had wanted to do it again and again and again.

Steve realized that his body had stilled, the air around him much warmer than it was just moments earlier. It seemed Bucky’s idea had done the trick. He relaxed a little against his friend. However, having Bucky pressed fully against him presented a much different problem for him.

“Better?” Bucky asked softly.

As it had earlier, the sensation of Bucky’s words moving over Steve’s skin brought out a pleasant shudder. Bucky’s hand tightened on him in response. 

“Getting there,” Steve said.

Steve tried to think about anything except for the feeling of Bucky’s warm, hard body behind him. He went through all the state capitals, and then the world capitals that he could remember. He tried to recall all of those baseball statistics his younger self had committed to memory. Anything to ignore just how goddamn good it felt being held by Bucky.

Steve failed.

“What all do you remember from before… you know,” Steve asked, unable to keep his questions to himself any longer.

“Bits and pieces. Sometimes it’s whole memories. Other times it’s just like… I don’t know, a feeling? Like this,” he said.

“Like what?’

His arm tightened around Steve for just a moment. “Holding you. I remember what that feels like and how it made me feel, but I don’t know why I can’t remember any of the times that I did it.”

Steve flushed. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, I know you expected me to be back to my old self.”

This made Steve turn so that they were face to face. “Buck, I’m just glad you’re back at all. After everything that’s happened, all I care about is having you with me again. I lost you once and I don’t want it to happen again,” he said, bringing a hand up to Bucky’s stubbled cheek.

Not that long ago, Steve had been faced with a very different Bucky. This version had been brainwashed and rebuilt as HYDRA’s best assassin. The blank expression in the Winter Soldier’s eyes when Steve had finally seen his face still made his blood run cold. But then right at the last possible moment, the real Bucky had broken through all of that programming. He had saved Steve’s life despite his orders.

After that, Steve had done everything in his power to find Bucky. Natasha and Sam had joined his efforts. The amount of hours and searching, sleepless nights as they crisscrossed the map following what little trail he left behind, all paid off in the end. They brought Bucky home, and then began the long journey of piecing back together what HYRDA had broken.

Steve had refused to leave Bucky’s side at first, even sleeping in the same room to help when the night terrors came. He appreciated Natasha’s help with everything as she had gone through the same deprogramming. Little by little, Bucky’s personality began to peak through all the damage. Steve still remembered the first time Bucky cracked a joke and the playful smirk that had crossed his lips.

Bucky leaned into Steve’s touch, his eyes slipping closed. “Do you know how long I went without anyone touching me like this?”

“I can guess.” Steve felt his face go warm again as Bucky practically nuzzled against his palm.

“I never realized how much I missed it,” he said, and his eyes opened again, trained on Steve. “Did we ever…?”

Steve shook his head. “No, well… not really.”

“Not really, what?”

“We were young and drunk and fooled around, but that was it. How do you remember that?”

“I guess laying here like this brought it to mind. You were different though. I think I was too,” he said. “You were shaking like a leaf.”

It had happened before the serum and before either of them went into the service. Steve hadn’t even kissed anyone at that point. No one had paid him any attention except for Bucky. _“It’s okay, think of it as practice.”_ Bucky’s words still rang in his ears after all that time. It wasn’t practice, at least not for Steve. It was the real thing. After, the shame had come and it was just easier not to talk about what had happened. That never made the memories go away, and he thought back to it often when he was alone in bed.

“Did you like it?”

“Yes,” Steve breathed.

“Kiss me, Steve.”

This time, Steve felt no fear tugging at him, only decades upon decades of yearning finally coming to its breaking point. He knew that Bucky wanted him and that it wasn’t just a drunken fling or practice or whatever the hell they tried to play it off as. When their lips met, they both moaned deeply. It was good - it was so good Steve never wanted to stop. They pressed their bodies as close together as they possibly could get. Bucky’s knee slid between Steve’s thighs, and he whimpered as it brushed against his cock. Steve forgot all about his sore shoulder.

“Explain why we never did this again?” he asked breathlessly against Steve’s mouth. 

“Well I did think you were dead for a few years there,” Steve deadpanned. “And the whole brainwashing thing… Kinda threw a wrench in the works.”

“Still a fuckin’ smartass.”

Steve chuckled before going back in for another lingering kiss. His hips rocked against Bucky’s muscular thigh, and could feel Bucky doing the same against his own leg. There were so many things that Steve wanted to do now that he had the chance. He had wanted this for so long, and now that it was a reality, he couldn't pick what he wanted to try next with Bucky. 

One hand slid down between their bodies, approaching the waistband of Bucky's shorts. He stopped Steve just shy of his goal, and smirked. "Uh uh, I've got something better in mind," Bucky all but purred against Steve's ear. 

He proceeded to kiss his way down Steve's body, taking his time to learn every curve and line of it. His lips curved around one nipple and Steve almost came just from that. "I want to suck your cock, Steve," Bucky whispered harshly against his chest.

"Oh... okay."

"Just okay?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

Steve laughed. "Just do it already, Buck."

With that, Bucky pulled the pair of briefs down around Steve's thighs. He glanced up at Steve with a grin. "Wish you could see how you look right now," he said, teasing Steve's dick lightly with his fingers. "So fucking pretty."

He started with his tongue first, lapping up every bit of pre-come from the shaft in these maddening little licks that made Steve squirm in place. He reached down to pull some of the hair back from Bucky's face, as it had grown much longer over the years. Their eyes met for a moment, and Steve felt a strange pang of desire mixed with love stab at his heart. He bit back the words, covering them with a deep groan as Bucky finally took Steve's cock into his mouth. This wasn't something they had ever done together, just gotten each other off by hand and kissed a lot. This had clearly been a huge mistake on his former self's part. When had Bucky gotten so good at this, he wondered. 

"Oh fuck," he gasped.

Bucky brought his hand up to help with the act, wrapping it around the base of Steve's cock as his mouth covered the rest. He worked them together, one stroking upward while the other teased at the crown. Steve could only hold onto Bucky as he panted and rocked beneath Bucky's touch. Sweat beaded over his skin, at his hairline, and over his chest as he did everything he could to hold back from coming too soon. He fucked up into Bucky's perfect mouth, desperately chasing down that orgasm despite wanting to prolong it. The sounds coming from Bucky weren't helping matters much. He sucked dick very sloppily and enthusiastically, and Steve loved every second of it. The feeling of Bucky’s metal hand curled around Steve’s hip, cold and hard against his overheated skin, made Steve shiver again. He caught Bucky watching him and Steve wanted to drag him up for another kiss. 

"Let me…” he said breathlessly. "Let me make you feel this good, Buck.”

At that, Bucky lifted his head from Steve’s cock. His lips were red and shining, hanging open a little as he breathed heavily. Disheveled long locks of brown hair framed his face, setting off his blue eyes. Steve had always thought they were beautiful, but kept the comment to himself. He would’ve never heard the end of it.

Bucky crawled up Steve’s body, dropping kisses here and there in his wake, until he finally stopped at Steve’s mouth. He could taste himself on Bucky’s tongue. Desire coiled deep within him, and Steve knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He broke away first, panting roughly, and Bucky pressed his lips along Steve’s jawline.

“I have an idea,” Bucky whispered against his ear.

One knee nudged Steve’s thighs apart so that Bucky could settle between them. He then reached between them and wrapped his hand around both of their dicks before he began to stroke. Steve gasped at the sensation, thrusting up into Bucky’s hand almost immediately.

“Very good idea,” Steve replied.

Reaching down, Steve’s hand joined Bucky’s, their fingers clasped together tightly. _Perfect_ , he thought as Bucky reclaimed his mouth. He began to push up into their grasp and his hand found its way into Steve’s hair. It wasn’t nearly as long as Bucky’s, but he still managed to get ahold of it and tug. Steve hissed as pleasure rippled through his body. The friction of skin against skin, the heat between them, and the solid weight of Bucky’s body pinning him down made Steve start to lose control. His thrusts became erratic as did his breathing.

“That’s it,” Bucky said, pressing his forehead against Steve’s. “Come for me, Steve. Let me see.”

Eyes squeezed tightly shut, Steve fucked up into their fists wildly. He felt Bucky tighten his grip ever so slightly and he whimpered. 

“C’mon baby,” he ground out. “When we get back, I’m going to fuck you good and proper.”

Steve’s eyes nearly rolled back in his head. “Oh fuck yes,” he said, gasping as he chased down his climax. 

“Come for me.”

That order is what sent Steve over the edge, swearing and thrusting wildly. Bucky followed a moment later with a low growl that sent a shiver down Steve’s spine. Their come pooled on his skin, already beginning to cool in the night air. When he finished, Steve still found himself panting. He looked up at Bucky in the near dark, and touched Bucky’s face with his other hand. Bucky smiled softly down at Steve.

“Missed you, Stevie.”

This time when he kissed Steve, it was soft and almost sweet. Steve stroked his fingers through Bucky’s hair as they both came down together. The situation may not have been Steve’s first choice for this kind of reunion, but he didn’t care now. Bucky nuzzled at his cheek, and Steve felt a curl of something that wasn’t exactly desire. Memories of the times that Steve had lost Bucky, or thought he lost Bucky, flashed in his mind. He knew what that feeling was now.

“I love you,” he said.

Steve felt Bucky’s smile against him, and then turned to look at him. “I love you too. Always have,” Bucky replied. “Always will.”

  
* * *  


A banging noise woke Steve from his sleep. Daylight streamed in through the ship’s windows, and he wondered how long he had managed to sleep. Beside him, Bucky stirred at the continued metallic bang. _No, not a bang. A knock._

“You boys decent in there?”

Steve and Bucky looked at each other before saying in unison. “Natasha.”

They cleaned up and dressed quickly as they were in fact, not decent at all. Steve no longer felt the pain in his shoulder, though he could tell it was bruised. Outside, Natasha and Clint were waiting on them with a ride back home. As always, Steve could tell by the little smirk on her face that Natasha knew something. He swore the woman was a mind reader.

“Need some flying lessons, old man?” she teased as he boarded her ship.

Steve threw her a look. “You know if this Avenger thing doesn’t work out, you could go into comedy.”

Natasha grinned before returning to her spot up front with Clint. Coming up behind him, Bucky trailed his hand along Steve’s lower back and gave him a little smile. Warmth pooled in Steve’s gut. He took the seat beside Steve and fastened the harness around his broad chest. The rest of the return flight was uneventful, and Steve managed to catch up on a little sleep. He couldn’t wait to get home so he could sleep in a comfortable bed. With Bucky’s promise from the night before replaying over and over in his mind, Steve had something else in that bed to look forward to that wasn’t sleeping.

Night had fallen by the time they returned to Manhattan. Steve thanked Natasha and Clint for helping them out before heading to his floor. Bucky trailed behind him as he had been staying with Steve since there hadn’t been a place to put him originally. There was more than enough room for both of them in Steve’s place, and he hoped secretly that Bucky would decide to stay. They both showered, dressed, and ate something substantial. 

“How’s the shoulder?” Bucky asked.

Steve rotated it. “Seems fine. Bruised up but the pain isn’t sharp like it was.”

“Good.”

Bucky cleared their plates away to the dishwasher before running some water to clean the pans Steve had used to make dinner. Steve studied him as he washed up, watching the way his body moved doing such a normal, everyday task. Nothing about their lives was normal anymore. Perhaps it was why he found this moment so captivating. 

Setting the pans on the drying rack, Bucky dried his hands and gave the counter a wipe down to make sure everything was neat. He hung the plain white towel back on its hanger. This was different from the Bucky he had once known. Steve remembered having to clean up after his friend many times. He wondered if this was a result of Bucky’s Army training. Precision and neatness were ingrained in them from jump. 

“Need me to keep you warm again tonight, Stevie?” Bucky asked with a smirk when he turned around.

“Only if you’re offering…”

Bucky stepped over to Steve and brushed his knuckles over Steve’s cheek. “Oh, I’m offering.”

He grinned. “Then what are we waiting for?”


End file.
